How to overcome Criticism ?

There are several of us who go through perplexing moments when people gather to criticize us. The reason for criticizing may be several such as to put you down, to prove you wrong or even on the positive note to help you.

Now the term criticism has a range of meanings- both positive and negative. On the positive end it would mean interpreting, investigating or even analyzing a literature or a piece of art. On the negative side the word would remind of the act of being critical which would mean expressing a fault, blaming and to the extent of condemning.

Well what do you do? How do you respond to Criticism? Specially, after you have completed a particular task with the best of your ability and intension. How do you handle the blame?

Before we could look at the solution to overcome and get along with criticism let us look at two categories of criticism we would encounter. The first would be a destructive criticism and on the other hand a constructive criticism.

Destructive criticism mainly spawns when the one who criticizes you perceives that you are better than him or makes him or her insecure when you reach your goal. Many times you will experience a negative energy around them with sarcasm and pessimism.
But constructive criticism is totally a different picture.
Constructive criticism looks at the problem and not the personality. In other words it looks for areas where people can improve. If a child fails to excel in an exam, he or she knows that it is more of teaching that is required and not criticism. More than the destructive we need the constructive. Abraham Lincoln the sixteenth President of the United States of America said, “He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help”. In constructive criticism there is always room for improvement because it is done with the spirit of love. This type of criticism will provide a platform for motivation. This happens when we use criticism with a lot of sensitivity. For example, when it is mixed with praise and then followed by useful suggestions on how to improve. Arnold H. Glasow the American Humorist and thinker once said, “Criticism is more effective when it sounds like praise.”

As you encounter criticism there are three steps I would recommend you to follow.
The first one would be to avoid being reactive. Do not strike; keep that low profile. It is human to kick back or give that sting back with that extra venom when you are hurt and affected. If you are criticized stay calm, don’t give back that’s a sign of maturity It is important to evaluate if the criticism is coming from a person of integrity. Evaluate whether it is meant to heal or hurt. Check also your conscience; if it is not true then by your clear conscience you can dust off criticism

Secondly accept. Accepting is taking time to listen to the other one and then reflecting it to yourself. Probably you and I need to accept our weakness and our limitations. It could even be a mistake that was committed unintentionally. The world wants us to be perfect, the jobs we are involved in wants us to be perfect with a hyper performance attitude. But we need to know who we are as mortals prone to error. We need to accept our limitations. Though it is painful to accept the truth it is beneficial if we could accept it and move into the future with improvement
When we have avoided and accepted the criticism, we have stepped back already to view the situation as a stepping stone instead of it being a barrier. Now we have a platform to narrate our reason and clarify our situation. The third step would be to clarify the situation.
Now some of us often avoid criticism. Let’s not dodge the criticism that we get. To avoid criticism according to Elbert Hubbard the famous American designer is, “to do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”
An old Jewish proverb says, “It is better to be criticized by a wise person than to be praised.”
Our prayer is that most of the time we should experience constructive criticism. But that is not a common phenomenon. Years ago I saw a couple going through a tough phase in their marriage. George and Ann were riding a storm in their marriage. Both of them came to a conclusion that “they just can’t stand it anymore.” Instead of holding to one vision that their marriage can get better, they were opting to quit.
As a close friend of them I wanted to help them somehow and I referred to them to a counselor. His name was Robert, a family counselor and a close friend of mine. They had several sessions to go through. Robert after several sittings with both of them gave a small advice with all humility. With a firm voice he said if you ever think that your partner, “will never make that change”, you need to take a step of self examination that is truthful. You need to look inside of yourself and come to a conclusion that the one thing you have the power to change is yourself!
After the session both of them went through a humbling experience. Ann the wife owned that she was responsible for most of the damage. George also realized that he too played a major role in making a mess of their lovely relationship. Both George and Ann realized the value of Robert who had brought a sense of hope, balance and life to their relationship. Yes we all need to lower the wrong talk. We need to decrease the criticism and start looking at the positives in the lives of people and our mates.
A major part in finding a solution to overcome criticism is to recognize where we are contributing to the crises in the family or otherwise. The first and foremost step to find a solution is to change ourselves.

Criticism is inevitable and being critical is an attitude which is part of the human race. Whether you are at home or at the Boardroom of your office you will experience it. Instead of handling it emotionally why not step back and look at it rationally. We can contribute to solving this problem by taming our tongue, a step to change ourselves to reduce criticism.

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